Moms Rule, Dads Drool

Image from Steve Jurvetson.

It’s the time of year where pastors get geared up for Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. I have to think of the sweetest, most honoring thing I can think of for the women of the church. I must go back to the well of Proverbs 31 or visit Timothy’s mother and grandmother, once again. For the dudes, I have to decide what hateful venom I will spew at them this year. “Stop looking at porn, you worthless dirt bags!” “Play catch with your kids once in a while, you miserable excuse for a human being!” “You’re ugly and you don’t read good and would it kill you to dishes once in a while?!”

My goal is to flip the messages this year. Okay–really just to be nicer to the dudes (you know that saying about a woman scorned). But that’s for the pulpit. For this post, I am still going to point how worthless men are. It isn’t Father’s Day yet.

Mothers get complimented for a lot of stuff (and rightfully so), but shouldn’t fathers share these burdens occasionally? Heck to the yeah. Maybe mothers should go on strike until fathers start doing something. Fathers often get off scot-free as long as they hold a job and provide financially for their family. Most families are 2 income families now, and since when is money the only way we can or should provide?

Mothers are great at taxi-ing their kids around – Ball practices, piano lessons, dentist appointments and play dates. You name it, moms are often the ones doing it. Our society lauds the “soccer mom.” Dad: try taking your kids to a dentist appointment. It is sheer torture. I would rather jab out my eyeball with a pencil. Welcome to mom’s world. Share the load.

Mothers are great at keeping the house from falling apart – Hey dad, your hands aren’t too  manly to operate the dishwasher. Oh yeah, and you could maybe stop peeing on the seat. Mom made dinner; why don’t you clean up afterwards?

Mothers are great at handling social and emotional messes – I have three daughters, one wife, and don’t understand any them. I’m not great with my four sons, either. When mom has dealt with the kids all day, maybe you should handle little Suzie’s meltdown.

Mothers are great at stepping up on Holidays and special occasions – Why does mom have to be the tooth fairy, Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and make those stupid Valentine’s boxes? Thou shalt wrappeth a present once in your life.

Mothers sacrifice everything for their kids – This is great. Sacrificial love is wonderful. What are you giving up, Pops? Basketball, golf, fishing, hunting, softball, video games, reading? It’s good to have a hobby, but does mom have a hobby?

Mothers handle a lot of the discipline for the kids – Dads get to be the fun ones. This is bull crap.

Mothers handle the spiritual questions – The reason you don’t answer them is because you don’t know the answers. Learn the answers.

Mothers are teaching our Sunday School classes – I don’t know where you land on this issue in your church. I have had some wonderful women teachers, but I’ve heard some of the women in our church say that the reason they teach is because someone has to.

I could go on and on and on with this list. I will stop because I am already to the point where I hope my wife never, ever reads this post. I have a great mother, and my wife is a wonderful mother to my children. She deserves to be praised. (Okay, I hope she reads that part.) There are a lot of dads who are trying and I’m very grateful for that. Keep on keeping on. Where would our society be without those wonderful moms, though? We are to lay our lives down for our wives like Christ did for the church. I would love to see more of that.

Father, thank you for the ladies. You’ve done good, real good.

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